Musings 004

I've struggled with my confidence recently.  2012 has brought some significant opportunities (check out that positive spin, eh?) for professional and personal growth.  I've been out of my comfort zone a lot these days.  I've made a lot of mistakes.  I've had a few triumphs, but they have largely been outnumbered by mistakes, so I've struggled to mentally embrace those successes.  I'm also probably in a rut...some people are not part of my inner circle of trust have even commented on this (thanks for your opinion on my mental state, but go away!).

So what do you do, when your ego feels perpetually bruised?  And I'm not talking ego in a negative way.  We all need a reasonably positive sense of self to succeed in life.  I set some new personal goals that are only about ME....see my previous post on a half marathon.  I've always found very deep fulfillment from athletic or physical pursuits and I know that about myself.  So why not try to complete 13.1 miles with 14 days notice?  I certainly don't expect to be bragging about my finish time, but I am really looking forward to this race (more than I did last year, I think). 

I've been focusing on being a really good friend these days.  As I've mentioned previously, 2012 has been a rough year for my girl gaggle - premies, sick pups, bridal woes and the list goes on.  And in turn, I've had my own rough patches through which my friends have coaxed me.  Making time for a phone call in the evening or carving out a few hours for dinner and drinks to soothe the nerves and angst of daily stresses are good for the soul.  I know I have a select few friends both locally and just a phone call away who can pull me out of any funk, even if just for a night.

I've also been making time for some of the more mundane hobbies that I deeply enjoy - baking and crafts.  I spent last Sunday in front of my oven working on treats for friends and coworkers....I emerged with buttermilk biscuits (heart-shaped, of course!), cranberry and white chocolate cookies and truffle pops.  All big winners at the office and around the neighborhood.  I'm working on a few craft projects of the paper and sewing variety to channel some of my energy in creative ways. 

With that, I hope my confidence will eventually reemerge to its original state.  If nothing else, just being aware of its dip is something, right?  Being self aware is half the battle of coming out of a funk. And if all else fails, blast Katy Perry's new song "Part of Me" and you're bound to feel a little more empowered!

How do you get yourself out of a confidence rut? 

Musings 003

Hey 2012,

It's time to shape up!  I thought you would be a super duper year and you've started like a dud.  My job has been burying me.  I'm grateful to have a job in this economy, but I'm tired and burned out.  You ushered in the birth of two darling babies, albeit way too early.  And you brought some sad news on the health of a dear friend's doggie.  There has been far too much anxiety and worry for being 35 days in.  Can you please work on some happier, fun times?

Sincerely,
Christine

Musings 002

Do you ever find music that speaks to you?  Maybe it's an album or a song or a ditty.  It doesn't have to be something terribly profound, but I always seem to find a song or album every now and then that just literally moves my soul.  I've been listening to music a lot more than I have in the past recently.  Chalk it up to some longer days and nights at the office and some very detailed assignments that require a lot of concentration.  All through school, I used music as background noise to help me focus on homework or studying...I guess old habits die hard.

So you're obviously wondering (ok, maybe not) what music I'm going to discuss in this post.  Florence and the Machine's new album, Ceremonials.  It's haunting.  I imagine it pulsing through the halls of an old stone church.  There is one song that feels religious to me.  It's the first track on the album which is on repeat in my home tonight.  It's called "Only if for a night."

As I've become older and maybe a little bit wiser, I've been more aware of the relationships I have and what they mean to me.  I've also realized that relationships don't have to last forever and they may exist for a specific reason at a specific point in your life.  Friendships fade.  Lovers leave.  People die.  That may be a negative outlook, but it's reality and that's ok.  And while I'm not sure of the writer's intent with this song, I think the lyrics speak to anyone who has lost someone, whether that be a metaphorical or physical loss.

Then I heard your voice as clear as day, 

And you told me I should concentrate, 

It was all so strange, 

And so surreal, 

That a ghost should be so practical.

I can't explain it, but this just explodes in my mind.  

Musings - 001

I'm not too big on new year's resolutions, although I genuinely like the idea of goal setting.  I'm a pretty goal-oriented person so that concept resonates well with me.  The newness of a new calendar year is a nice clean slate with which to work. 

As 2011 wore on and inched closer to my 30th birthday (it was in October), I found myself really looking forward to a new decade and feeling contemplative.  I had set some goals for myself before that birthday...some public and some private.  I truly felt awesome as I approached that day.  I realized that I finally found myself (yes that is totally cliche) and was totally comfortable with whatever age I was.  I hit my stride at work, made some big changes in my life, renewed some friendships and felt on top of the world.  I looked forward to that day in the same way that some look forward to a new year.  It was a clean slate, a new number in front of my age and most of all, I was totally ok with it!  So while I'm not setting resolutions, I'm still looking to 2012 in the same way that I looked to my 30th year...with hope, excitement and a fresh start.

While many are focused on health and weight loss with the new year, I'm focusing on other things in the forefront.  Don't get me wrong, health and fitness are a big part of my life, but that won't change with the new year.  Back to my 30th birthday...I was frustrated with my weight last summer and finally bit the bullet and went on a real diet.  I lost 14lbs before my birthday and I've kept it off.  This year, I basically want to continue that trend and stay healthy.

My focal points for 2012....

Source

1. At the office - Be a thoughtful leader and grow in my new role.  Provide thoughtful guidance, keep an open mind and an open door policy with my colleagues.

2. On the road - Travel someplace new.  Maybe Italy.  Maybe a new island (I do have the beach on my mind).  Maybe a new city in the US.

3. In the kitchen - Try new recipes.  Make use of the gadgets I have in my kitchen.

4. For my psyche - Find ways to fulfill my interest in healthcare.  Diversify my volunteer experiences. 

5. For my soul - Forgive.  Be patient.  Express empathy.  Be open minded.

I wish you the best on your new year whether you make resolutions, set goals or just roll with the punches!